Introduction: We live in a time and place in which people are confused about marriage. This is obvious from what we read in newspapers and magazines, and what we see on TV and in the movies. It is a "truism" that the traditional family is the basic building block of human society in general, and of the Church in particular. If we want a strong and happy community, church, and personal life, we need to understand and undergird marriage. Today I would like to give some Bible-based advice that will be valuable to you whether you are looking forward to marriage, or already married.

I. You and your fiance (spouse) should both be Christians. The most effective thing you can do to improve your marriage is to become a better Christian. ARE YOU a Christian?

2 Cor 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
2 Cor 6:15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

A. Paul's question hits the nail on the head. "What does a believer have in commmon with an unbeliever? Being married means doing things together. But if you are married to an unbeliever you can't go to church together, you can't teach religion and morality together to your children, you can't pray together, and you won't spend eternity together. You won't like the same movies, books, magazines, music, friends, etc. etc.

B. Sometimes the believer can bring the unbeliever to Christ. Peter wrote about that possibility.

1 Pet 3:1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
1 Pet 3:2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

C. But it is just as likely that the unbelieving spouse will ruin the spiritual life of the believer. Consider the case of King Solomon:

1 Ki 11:4 As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been.
1 Ki 11:5 He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molech the detestable god of the Ammonites.
1 Ki 11:6 So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the LORD; he did not follow the LORD completely, as David his father had done.
1 Ki 11:7 On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molech the detestable god of the Ammonites.
1 Ki 11:8 He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods.
1 Ki 11:9 The LORD became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the LORD...

D. To improve your marriage, follow Paul's advice to the Ephesian Christians:
Eph 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

II. Save sex for marriage. Be faithful to your spouse. Four reasons to wait:

A. Sex with anyone other than your spouse is against God's law.

Exo 20:14 "You shall not commit adultery.
The word "adultery" in the seventh commandment is not the technical use of the word, as we use it today. God is not saying "Don't commit adultery, but fornication is OK." This is a generic word for all kinds of sexual sins, and there are many kinds.

Larger Catechism Question 139 "What are the sins forbidden in the seventh commandment?"
Answer:
The sins forbidden in the seventh commandment are, adultery, fornication, rape, incest, sodomy, and all unnatural lusts; all unclean imaginations, thoughts, purposes, and affections; all corrupt or filthy communications, immodest apparel, having more wives or husbands than one at the same time; unjust divorce, or desertion; lascivious songs, books, pictures, dancings, stage plays; and all other provocations to uncleanness. (slightly abridged)

B. Married or not, sex outside of marriage is not only sinful, but it is dangerous to your health in several ways. Many millions of Americans have HIV, AIDS, Hepatitis, Herpes and 20 other kinds of sexually transmitted diseases which can cause great pain, impotency, barreness, insanity, disfiguring sores and even death. According to the US Department of Justice, a woman living with her boy friend is 60 times more likely to be assaulted that a married woman living with her husband.

C. Pre-marital sex is a blow to the long-term prospects of a successful marriage. According to a study done by the University of Maryland, out of 100 couples who live together before marriage, only 15 will have marriages that don't end in divorce.

D. Divorce and Premarital cohabitation has already created a generation of emotionally injured people. Men and women who have been abandoned by the person in whom they put their love, their hope, their dependence. Also, over a million children are born out of wedlock each year, and are forced to endure the emotional pain of abandonment, ridicule and often poverty.

III. Be practical about getting married, or living with your spouse. Use your head, not just your heart. Mark 12:30 says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." "All your mind!" To use your head means to be practical.

A. Be practical about money. Lack of money, and disagreements about how to handle money, are leading causes of quarreling and divorce. Will you have money for rent, for food, for cars, for insurance, for clothing, for a multitude of miscellaneous items? Are you willing to accept the demands that a career makes on your spouse's time? Are you both willing to be as thrifty as necessary to meet your needs and the needs of your children? Do you know how to stay out of debt and save money?

B. Be practical about the family into which you are marrying. You are binding yourself to a family, not just an individual. Are they honorable? Are they admirable? Do you like them, and do they like you? Do you share common customs? Will you be happy for them to be grandparents to your children? Will you live closer to your family, or your spouse's family. If you marry a person whose family lives thousands of miles away, are you both content to know that you will rarely see those people?

C. Be practical about your incompatibilities. No couple is ever completely "compatible." Money again. Lifestyle. Sleeping habits. Food. Housecleaning. Who will be doing what: washing dishes, laundry, vacuuming, trash takeout. Do you like the same kind of furniture? Do you both have the same desires socially, mixing with friends, etc. Are you both willing to leave your single friends behind? Do you enjoy the same sort of vacation? Do you have the same desires about having children, when and how many? Be flexible and willing to adjust and compromise. Learn to be patient and forbearing.

Conclusion: Marriage is good. God made Adam, and then He made Eve, and became the first match-maker. God said, "It is not good for Man to be alone." He told them to have children. The Bible as a whole elevates marriage and family life. But marriage is having a tough time in American culture today. May God help us all to be wise as we prepare for marriage. Those of us who are already married, may God bless us, and help us to love each other, and keep us together, for our good, and for His glory. Amen.